College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
