I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Randomize
