Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
