Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
