I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
