I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
