I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
