I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
