when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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