I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Hippo gnu deer
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
