You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
