I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
