I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
