I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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