Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize