Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Stuck it in his pooper.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.