my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.