I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.