So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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