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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.

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• (713): View more from Texas

  So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me

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• (289): View more from Ontario

  Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.

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  25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous

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• (980): View more from North Carolina

  Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"

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• (952): View more from Minnesota

  He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.

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• (283): View more from Ohio

  He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.

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  21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.

  (1-715): View more from Wisconsin

  I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)

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• (818): View more from California

  You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON

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• (407): View more from Florida

  With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed

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