We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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