I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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