i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.