What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.