Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
