I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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