You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
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Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
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I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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