it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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