We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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