Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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