Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
