my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
