Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
