There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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