Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
