3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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