im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
