Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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