I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
