thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
