....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
