I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Someone signed my nipple.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
