i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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