Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
