i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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