it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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