You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
