I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
