The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
