We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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