Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
