Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
