I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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