Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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