Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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