I want you more than these girls want KFC
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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