They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
