so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
