Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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