Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i drank out of a bidet.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
