...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
