Where did you get a picture of my penis
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
