I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize