I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
