I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
