She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
