You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
