Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
