shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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