Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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