If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
