My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
